Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
