Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
