nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
now i know why i became what i already was.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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