and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
