Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
