You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
