Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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