She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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