wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
