I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
