Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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