i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
