from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
