idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
