So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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