I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
