He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
