I wish I only lived at night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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