I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
