Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
vagina is talking i cant
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
