I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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