your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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