Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
