if you like me you must not know who I am
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
