i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
