Me too!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
