their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
