guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
