and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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