someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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