i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
