Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
