Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
