I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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