i just had sex bonerless
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
