Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
