when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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