I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
