Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
