I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
