fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
