You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
