Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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