I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
