um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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