It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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