someone get that fucking seahorse.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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