very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.