When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
handjob tips. give me some.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen