every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.