just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.