She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect