I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
