Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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