if i died would you start the facebook group?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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