one might say we're banned from that church
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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