dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
