hell yes lets make some ravioli
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
