I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
