also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
