Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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