In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize