never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's blow job season.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
