i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
