McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
